We’re sorry, but your web browser is not supported. Webpages might not display correctly.

Interpersonal Ethics

Person 1: Abortion is okay as long as it’s not painful to the fetus. Person 2 (our hero): I’m glad we agree abortion is wrong when it’s painful. Let me ask a question; bear with me. Should we let a mom kill her two-year-old after anesthetizing her?

Person 1: What if a mother’s life is in danger? Person 2 (our hero): The mother and child are equally valuable. In some situations doctors should give the mother life-saving treatment even if it results in the unintended, tragic death of the child. Let’s talk about a specific example.

Person 1: Sure, a fetus is a person. But a woman may do anything to anyone in her body. Person 2 (our hero): I agree that we deserve special rights regarding our own bodies. But may a pregnant woman take thalidomide? It causes serious birth defects.

Person 1: Trust women to make their own decisions. Person 2 (our hero): I want to give people the benefit of the doubt too, but sometimes both men and women do things that need to be stopped. E.g., we should stop parents from abusing kids instead of blindly trusting them to decide how to treat their kids.

Biology

Person 1: It’s just a clump of cells. Person 2 (our hero): I’m not sure I understand. I agree a fetus is made of cells, but so are you and I. Is your point maybe that a fetus seems like “raw human material” that still needs to be “assembled” before it’s a real human?

Our hero: I wish it were easier for women to decide when they have kids. But after fertilization a unique human is already present with DNA that won’t be repeated in a later pregnancy. Abortion determines which kids are born, not when kids are born.

Our hero: A human fetus displays the key characteristics of life, such as cellular reproduction, responding to stimuli, and converting food into energy. It’s debatable whether viruses are alive, but it seems pretty clear that a human fetus is biologically alive.

Person 1: I’m pro-choice because I believe in science. Person 2 (our hero): I’m glad you care about finding the truth! I’m pro-science too. Let’s talk through some of the scientific facts that inform each of our views.

Expressing Genuine Empathy

Person 1: I’m pregnant and I’m scared. Person 2 (our hero): It’s okay to feel scared, but everything will be okay. We’ll figure this out together. I’ll be here for you through everything. There’s no hurry, so let’s take this one step at a time.

Person 1: I don’t regret my abortion. Person 2 (our hero): I’m glad you’re okay. If you’re willing to share, I’d be interested to hear what led you to seek an abortion.

Person 1: ...and that’s not okay. Person 2 (our hero): I’m concerned about that too.

Person 1: There’s no point in us talking about abortion, because you’ll never change my mind. Person 2 (our hero): I bet talking would be worth it even if neither of our minds change. If you’re feeling up for it, I’d be interested in having a conversation where we just try to understand each other better.

Politics

Person 1: I’m personally pro-life, but I’m politically pro-choice. Person 2 (our hero): I’m glad you don’t support abortion. I’d like to understand you better. Would you be willing to explain why you’re personally against abortion?

Person 1: I don’t like the idea of the government forcibly preventing the women who want abortions from getting them. Person 2 (our hero): Neither do I. I wish it never came to that. I want everyone to reject abortion out of love and respect for the preborn.

Person 1: I’m pro-choice because I’m liberal. Person 2 (our hero): Many liberals are pro-life. Social justice requires that we protect vulnerable members of our species, such as the poor, minorities, and the preborn.

Person 1: If abortion is outlawed, women will die in unsafe illegal abortions. Person 2 (our hero): I’m concerned about this too. I value the mother and fetus equally. I’m working for a future where nobody performs or seeks an abortion, legal or illegal.

The Beginning of a New Life

Person 1: Nobody knows when life begins. Person 2 (our hero): I want to be sure I know what you mean by that. Are you talking about the start of a biological organism? Or the start of a valuable person?

Our hero: Infants aren’t “constructed” from the outside. Instead, after fertilization, the zygote directs her own growth and development. A fetus grows a heart in more or less the same way an adult grows new skin.

Person 1: Nobody cares when sperm or eggs die. Why care when a zygote dies? Person 2 (our hero): It’s true that they’re all tiny living cells, but unlike sperm and eggs, a zygote is a new entire organism, a member of the human species, with its own DNA.

Person 1: Some women aren’t ready to bring a child into the world yet, so they need abortion. Person 2 (our hero): Parenting is a big job, I can understand not being ready. If a woman is pregnant, though, I’d say a new child has *already* come into the world.

Women’s Health

Person 1: I’m pro-choice because I care about women’s health. Person 2 (our hero): I want people to get the healthcare they need, too. But I think the mother and fetus are both patients who deserve care.

Person 1: If abortion is outlawed, women will die in unsafe, illegal abortions. Person 2 (our hero): I’m concerned about this too. Abortion is worse when the mother dies. But I’d say abortion is never safe, since I value the mother and fetus equally.

Person 1: The decision to get an abortion is between a woman and her doctor. Person 2 (our hero): I don’t want to violate anyone’s privacy. Let me ask a question. It may seem irrelevant, but please bear with me. Suppose a doctor starts offering infanticide “services.” How should we respond?

Person 1: I don’t want to go back to women getting hurt in illegal abortions. Person 2 (our hero): I’m really concerned about women’s safety. I don’t want anyone to get hurt in any abortion, legal or illegal. But let’s do better than making abortion merely safe for women. Let’s save *everyone* from abortion, including both women and their children.

Culture and Society

Person 1: Guess what! I’m pregnant! Person 2 (our hero): Wow! You’re a mom! Congratulations!

Person 1: Pro-lifers are hypocrites who don’t care about people after they’re born. Person 2 (our hero): I’m sorry some pro-lifers have given you reason to distrust us. I agree that our concern for people shouldn’t end at birth.

Person 1: 1 in 3 women gets an abortion. Person 2 (our hero): I agree that abortion is common. I think women getting abortions often have good intentions. But sometimes a lot of well-meaning people choose to do something wrong.

Person 1: Dad... my girlfriend is pregnant. Person 2 (our hero): Wow! Thanks for telling me. I love you, and I’m ready to help the three of you with whatever you need. How are you and your girlfriend each feeling about it?

Personhood

Person 1: It’s alive, but it’s not really alive, you know? Person 2 (our hero): I think I might know what you mean. Maybe you’re saying that a fetus is biologically alive, but it’s not a valuable person yet. Is that right?

Person 1: Why are you pro-life? Person 2 (our hero): In short, I’m pro-life because I support equality. I think all members of the human species are equally valuable, regardless of sex, race, intelligence, or anything else.

Person 1 (our hero): You and I equally deserve the right to life. So do all our friends. What do we have in common that makes us equal? Person 2: We all have brains. Person 1 (our hero): Hm. If that were the right explanation, mice would deserve the same right to life as us.

Person 1 (our hero): I’d say there’s a certain fundamental equality between you, me, and billions of others. Person 2: Yeah, I agree. Person 1 (our hero): That’s kind of amazing. We’re all so different! We vary by race, sex, intelligence, etc. What do we have in common that makes us equal?

Trotting Out a Toddler

Person 1: Every child deserves to be wanted. Person 2 (our hero): I agree. Children should grow up in happy homes. Can I ask a question for us to think about? Bear with me. If a two-year-old is unwanted, should he or she be killed?

Person 1: Many embryos die naturally. Abortion has the same outcome. Person 2 (our hero): True enough. But centuries ago, the child mortality rate was very high. It still wasn’t okay to kill toddlers back then.

Person 1: Yes, of course killing toddlers is wrong. But a fetus is different than a toddler. Person 2 (our hero): I’m glad we agree killing toddlers is wrong. I agree there are a lot of differences. Can we talk through the differences that you think matter?

Person 1 (our hero): ...but would that be a good reason to kill a toddler? Person 2: Now you want to kill toddlers? You’re a monster! Person 1 (our hero): Wait, no! Sorry if I was unclear. Killing toddlers is definitely wrong. Can I try to explain what I meant a different way?

Bodily Autonomy

Person 1: The fetus is a trespasser. Person 2 (our hero): I think I see what you mean. I wish nobody were ever pregnant without wanting to be. Let me ask a question; bear with me. If I find a stowaway toddler on my boat, may I throw her overboard?

Person 1: Fine, a fetus is a human person. But a woman may do anything to anyone in her body. Person 2 (our hero): I agree we deserve special rights regarding our own bodies. To be clear, do you think abortion is always okay, at any time, even for no reason?

Person 1: It’s my body, so it’s my choice. Person 2 (our hero): I agree that we deserve special rights regarding our own bodies. I want to understand your view better. When a woman is pregnant, would you say there’s one body present or two?

Person 1: People aren’t forced to donate life-saving organs, so women shouldn’t be forced to stay pregnant. Person 2 (our hero): Interesting analogy! I agree that we shouldn’t be forced to donate organs. But I think abortion has some key differences from declining to donate an organ. Can we talk about them?

Building Each Other Up

Person 1: ...so that’s why I’m not convinced. Person 2 (our hero): You made some really good arguments. I’ve never thought about it that way. Can we talk again after I’ve had some time to study this more?

Person 1: I wish I had been aborted. Person 2 (our hero): I’m really sorry to hear that. It sounds like you’re not in a great place right now. I would love to do anything I can to help you. Would you like to talk more?

Person 1: Abortion obviously kills a human. How are pro-choicers so dumb? Person 2 (our hero): Pro-choice people are usually quite reasonable. I know I’ve been wrong about important things before, even though I wanted to do what’s right.

Person 1: I’m pregnant and I’m going to get an abortion. Person 2 (our hero): Oh wow. Thanks for trusting me enough to tell me. I’ll be here for you no matter what. Can I ask why you’re planning to get an abortion?

Rape

Person 1: It’s not the rape victim’s fault she’s pregnant. Person 2 (our hero): I agree. It’s the rapist’s fault, and the victim shouldn’t be blamed. Rape is an awful crime, doubly so when the rapist robs his victim of the choice to not become pregnant.

Person 1: I was raped. I got pregnant and I had an abortion. Person 2 (our hero): I’m so sorry to hear that. Rape is a terrible crime. Thinking about it makes me sick. Nobody should be forced into sex, and nobody should be forced to become pregnant.

Person 1: A woman shouldn’t be reminded of her rapist every time she sees her child. Person 2 (our hero): I agree. Nobody should have to endure rape or its consequences. I wish nobody were ever raped.

Person 1: What do you think about rape cases? Person 2 (our hero): Rape is evil, and it’s a horrific way to start a pregnancy. We should never accept rape; people must stop committing rape. Realistically, though, we should identify the best response to the violence of rape. Let’s talk about that.

Religion

Person 1: I’m against abortion, but I’d better not impose my religious beliefs on others. Person 2 (our hero): I agree that religious freedom is important. But I don’t think abortion is a religious issue any more than infanticide is.

Person 1: Don’t impose your religious beliefs on me. Person 2 (our hero): I don’t want to violate your religious freedom. Would you be interested in having a non-religious discussion about abortion?

Person 1: Abortion should be legal based on the separation of church and state. Person 2 (our hero): I support the separation of church and state too. Would you be interested in having a non-religious discussion about abortion?

Person 1: I’m against abortion, but I’d better not impose my religious beliefs on others. Person 2 (our hero): I agree that religious freedom is important. But I don’t think abortion is a religious issue any more than infanticide is.